Well bugger me if it’s not almost chrimbo again. Where has the year gone? This time last year I was in Brighton selling sex toys and feeling low, this year I am selling smoothies and bitching about Bristol!
What will next year have in store for me?
Tick Tock! Times running out
SF xxx
Ok I have been a bad boy (sadly not in a perverse or naughty way) I haven’t been paying much attention to you (the few remaining readers of this blog!). So what has been happening in my life lately, well to be honest I am like a contented cat sitting by the fire having his chin stroked (not the best analogy but it works rather well) and I feel that I am really enjoying my job and Monkey is being loving a warm (I feel that this could just be a rouse and he is secretly planning to sell me via the interweb to an oligarch, possibly a blind, incontinent not very wealthy one but I’m sure that it won’t stop him!).
It has been almost 4 years since my little Monkey changed my life. In that time I have had to make tea more than ever and his constant demands for beer/tea/white bread/chippies (delete as applicable) would for many people be a breaking point. I sadly have self-esteem issues*which may be the only reason why I am still with him. I have put on about 2 stone since I have been with him; it’s mostly (well nearly all, OK all!) fat and is going to be a bugger to try and remove. I am truly happy and having looked back at my blog when I first started, the improvement has been huge (go on take a look and laugh at my feeble attempts at dating and battles with (mild) depression. It may well cheer yourself up, be honest we all enjoy taking the piss out of those less fortunate then ourselves!) I am in a happy place!
However I do feel that I am not being challenged at the moment and I am starting to get itchy feet – so next year could see changes again! I will try a blog on a more regular event to keep up posted on all that is happening in the wonderful world of shocking fish.
Whores will have their trinkets
SF xxx
*no I don’t – no REALLY I don’t.
Where has the year gone? The last time I looked it was January and I was looking for a new job. Now that I have a new job and a rather cheaper home (some good some bad!) what on earth will next year do to me?
Well OK to be honnest this isn’t going to be a long post – more an excuse to show a really kool (see as I am now over 30 I intend using ‘cool’ in a post modern ironic kina way) music video (please note that this deals with adult themes and sexually sergestive themes as well – great bring it on!)
Hello, how have you been?
I know that I have been away for a while but if you let me explain I’m sure that you will forgive me (or maybe not!) So here I am in Bristol, so good they named it…once.
OK I have now moved up from Brighton to the mythical city of Bristol (you will be pleased to note that since I have moved up here Bristol has experienced a mini crime wave of stabbings and ‘vile gays in bushes’, honest it has NOTHING to do with me!) The new job is going well and I have now found a soul mate or two in the lovely (read that is cantankerous and bitchy) Lauren (think Wednesday Addams and you almost have her!), beautiful Helen (what she can do with paper mashie would make your eyes water), Caroline (pirate pete to her friends) and all the other freaks and weirdo’s that I have to work with. The job is very similar to the last one (sans the dildos and lube and replaced with Hot Chocolate and Cookies) sadly as a vegan I can’t eat the Cookies (don’t worry Monkey has now put on about half a stone due to my feeder tendencies and we may well be feasting on suckling Monkey come Christmas) but I get to feed frappes (or fraps as we in the trade like to call them!) to everyone else. Those who have worked with me will know what I am like (feeder? who, me?) and a warehouse filled with cookies and hot chocolate will only mean that by the time I leave I’m sure most people will have put on at least 2 stone!
So what about the new flat? Well we live in a place that Monkey refers to as ‘the gay balamory flats’ which to be honest they are a little like. The flat also has a nasty infestation of ‘Gayz’ as we homos like to call them. It may well be the mythical place that ‘Gayz’ come to die (or should that be ‘dye’) and Monkey has already started to stalk the possible ‘Gayz’ in the flat below (they like to wear very little while parading about their front room – which when you consider that they are on the ground floor over looking the road is quite ‘Gayz’) We have 2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms (I know, I now have no excuse for not having a shower or bath!) but sadly it does have a down side (well something that Monkey doesn’t like) the Kitchen is in the same room as the living room which is a big downer for him (although he likes the fact that he gets his cups of tea quicker than before.) The move from the old flat was quite heartbreaking, it was the first flat that I had ever been proud to invite people round too – well if you had seen the main living room with is 18ft ceiling and balcony with sea views – you would under stand. I didn’t become a ‘grumpy git’ during the move – which as Monkey was going to leave me on the side of the road if I pissed him off, was quite a relief. It sill amazes me that we had so much tat in the old flat (we binned 18 bags of rubbish – and I mean rubbish). I will miss Brighton, but I know that someday we will go back (although not until we can afford to live their!)
So what does Bristol have in store for me? Well seeing as it has rained for most of this month and it looks like it will keep raining for the foreseeable future (how long is a cubit? I may need to build an ark!) So my Big Brizzel adventure begins here!
With delusions of grandeur
SF xxx
PS Thanks to Christa for getting me hooked on Sia
Today is my last day at work, I have spent the last 3 years here and will miss every single person. So I sent an email to everyone telling them my inner thoughts. It went like this…
Hello Everyone
(a crappy youtube link to help you get in the mood! – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HECJLH4onZk)
As this is the last day that EVERYONE is going to be around, I just wanted to say that it has been a pleasure (most of the time) working with each and every one at Apollo (well almost everyone). It has been a great learning experience and I have come to think of things that many would find abnormal and depraved as being normal and run of the mill. I will miss walking into the sales office and calling Sarah a c*nt and making sexually surjestive hand gestures towards Su and Matt. I will miss the Silver fox and the work shy lollygagger – sorry I mean Dex - in the whorehouse warehouse. I will miss having an office filled with sex toy fumes that may result in a premature death and a lowered sperm count (oh what the heck, I’m not going to spread my genes around) I will miss working from 8am until late each day for pennies and the odd (in some cases very odd) sample sex toy. I will miss Tony and his Cornish pasty shoes. I will miss Simon and his emails (well ok not all his emails). I will miss Darren and Geoff as well. I consider each of you to be a friend acquaintance and would at least think about not calling the police if I bumped into you again.
I have enjoyed my time at Apollo and know that I will miss working in an office that is filled with love/STD’s/shit/sex toy fumes (delete as applicable). So please raise your glass/special brew can/box of wine/cold cup of coffee (delete as applicable) and toast to the best 3 years of my life*
Loads of love
Paul
*Terms and conditions apply. The statement that has been written may not be the statement that was going through my head at the time, but as I didn’t want to write ‘Die,die, you must all die’ whilst making a machine gun noise, I thought that it would be better to put this. This statement is not redeemable at any good book stores but it will get you a soapy tit wank from a cheap Russian hooker down by Shoreham docks.
I have a new job!
Sorry very bust for a full post, but I have a doozie that Im working on at the moment. It mostly involves my work. If you didn’t know what I did for a living; well I ..erm, work in the Adult Industry and before you ask no Im not a porn star… I don’t have the dull, coke fulled personality for that!
sf xxx
P.S if you get a chance to hear Santogold (www.myspace.com/santogold) go and check ‘em out
I have to say that I am rather loking forward to the weekend. I am off to see the family (whilst also dragging Monkey along with me; he hates ‘family’ type things) to celebrate the 1st birthday of my youngest neice. I will also be seein my mother, sisters, grandmother, aunt and verious other family types. So this shin-dig that will result in Monkey having to suffer my family will put a huge smile on my face and an even bigger one in my heart….
Yay to Family
sf xxx
