Could this be the year that I finally sort out my life? Well if things go according to plan, then maybe? This year will see some major changes to the way that I have been living my life. I am not going to tempt fate and tell you all about (the dear sweet and close friends of the interweb.) what I will be doing. So here goes; just a few of the things that I shall be sorting out this year!
PERSONAL
This is the year that I am going to make my mark on the world. But, what to do? Do I seek world domination? I would need a hollowed out volcano and a white pusrsen to be able to do this. I doubt weather ebay would have either of those things. What about a chart number 1. Well come off it, it’s not difficult to do; just look at what is in the current chart! I shall also have to loose a little *cough* of the excess weight that I have put on over the last year *cough*. I need to move on from the job that has taught me more than any other job I have had the pleasure to do; mostly about huge black/green/tan/blue rubber cocks. It has been a great experience but I do need to move on…
I will also be doing some huge, new and rather unexpected things during the year! Let’s just say that it will involve me and the monkey moving house at least three times. That is all I will tell you for the time being as, if I do tell you, I am sure to bugger up the whole thing.
HEALTH & BEAUTY
I must become more beautiful. I know that it’s highly unlikely to happen. I don’t take a good photo. You just have to look through the rouge’s gallery that is my facebook account. I have a look of the strange bloke that your mother warned you not to talk to when you where a kid. So plastic surgery is the only option. I’m thinking about maybe a chin tuck, liposuction, get rid of the bags under the eyes, fuck it; maybe a total body swap. I also recon that I need to start some sort of exercise régime, something that is fun *shudder* and wouldn’t force me to wear spandex (not a pleasant thought).
WORK & PROFESSIONAL LIFE
Get one!
COMMUNITY
Oh god! Am I going to be forced to join the ghetto that is the gay community? I would rather kiss David Cameron’s arse! Mmmm maybe I should join a book club or craft circle. The local Starbucks has a craft evening on a Thursday. Wow! I could make my own cards like they do on QVC – can I hear Christmas decoupage anyone?
GREEN
So what can I do to become greener? I would like to get a wormary. We recycle about 69% of all our waste, so maybe I need to look at what I am buying – maybe cut out the shit that I buy. Come on it we all do it.
MONEY
Get some. I really need to sort out how I spend the pittance that I currently get. Maybe get me a less expensive boyfriend; I could sell him via the small ads.
Pets and Pet Equipment
NORTHERN MONKEY – One slightly soiled Northern Monkey for sale. Good working order will demand big cups of tea, but with a few light beatings, you will get used to his demands. Almost house trained, will require news paper to be laid down over the floor. £15 O.N.O Call Paul on 01237 465035
HOME
Well I still have some big news to tell – but I can’t until I know – but keep watching this space
EDUCATION
Get some
TRAVEL
Watch this space!
So with a few little hints as to how my life will be playing out over the next few months and weeks, I do have to say that things do change (and I hope that this year they are for the best!)
Bingo Bango Bongo
Sf xxx
