Monkey Magic!!

9 12 2007

Today is a good day! I am sitting in the home office typing this – yes it has only taken us 13 months but we at last have wi-fi. Horray! But before you start getting too carried away with rapture over the news, I should first tell you about the horror that British Telecoms put me through in order to get the bloody thing. Are you sitting comfortably; I shall begin.

We had ordered the wi-fi which took a whole 15 minuets; this was fantastic. The wonderful; spanglly wireless hub would arrive with us something between 8 and 5 on Friday (30th November), this is where the horror begins…. By 5 the delivery had not arrived so I contacted BT. It transpires that the delivery company had tried to deliver it to a fictious address; well these things happen so I gave BT the correct address and was told that they would redeliver the parcel on Monday (3rd December).

Well Monday came and went so by 6pm on the Monday I had to call BT again. After waiting for 54 mins I was told that I had come through to the incorrect number and that I would be put through to the right number if I didn’t mind holding. I didn’t; so I was put through to the right line. After another 47 mins I spoke to a wonderful woman who informed me that I would have to contact the delivery company to find out what was happening to the parcel. So I did! After lessening to green sleeves for another 37 mins I got through to the delivery firm. I was put on hold whist the call centre monkey (I can say that as I have been a call centre monkey many times over the last 10 years) tried to find out what happened. So after yet more time lessening to a tinny rendition of Green Sleeves I was told that they could not deliver the address as it did not exist.

This confused me; I was at home at the time and was quite sure that my flat is real. I turned out that the delivery company still had the made up address that BT had given to them. By this time I was biting my fist so that I wouldn’t explode at the poor unfortunate CCM (Call Centre Monkey). So after several deep breaths I agreed that it would be best to deliver it to my work. I gave them the full address and was reassured that it would be delivered the next day (as the CCM said to me “honest” when I quizzed her over weather this would be the case).

Guess what, Tuesday came and went

Again I had to call the delivery company and find out what the hell was going on. Lucky it only took me 35 mins to get through; but I was reassured that my “call was important and a willing member of staff would rush to answer my question with a smile and polite disposition” sadly this was not the case. The CCM who answered my call was surly and a bit of a bitch. It turned out that the parcel would not be delivered on the Tuesday but on the Wednesday instead. To say that I was a little pissed off was a bit like saying that those Spice Girls adverts for Tesco are a little bit shit! As a result to not having anything better to do, I agreed (through gritted teeth) that I would once again wait around until 8pm to wait in for the (possibly) imaginary parcel.

Guess what, Wednesday came and went.

That evening I spent another 45 minuets trying to get through to a “caring and friendly” CCM. Sadly I didn’t get one of these I got an “irritable and surly” one. I was then informed that the parcel hadn’t left the delivery depo (always good) since it had been returned on Friday 30th (even better!). I was passed over to a CCM Manager, who tried to plicate and sooth any concerns that I may have about the level of customer service that they offered. Me. Never. I was then informed that it would be delivered the next day neigh, it was guaranteed that it would be delivered to me next day.

Guess what, Thursday came and went.

I was pissed. Really, Really, Pissed. I phoned BT, the delivery company, David, My Mother and almost phoned Jeremy Kyle. I ranted, raved, sobbed and cried down the phone only to be told and reassured that, come hell or high water, I would get the delivery. Apparently the delivery company had already tried to deliver the parcel, but wouldn’t you know it, no one was in! Yes that the crappy excuse that they gave to me. Even though there where 11 people in the office, the time that they tried to deliver all where out, possibly washing their hair or something (at 4.14pm – it’s etched on my mind and possibly will be for some time.) mmmmm… I wonder if this was true or could it be a slacker of a driver wanting to get home early? So I agreed to give them one last attempt to deliver the “parcel”.

Friday, well arrived and it arrived

After spending over 200 mins on the phone; it arrived! I would like to say that I wooped and punched my fist in the air, but I was busy and on the phone (not to BT). I would like to take this moment to say to every one out there on the interweb, please what ever you do, please make sure that you NEVER, NEVER, NEVER use BT!

Friday was also another good day as I managed to get my grubby hands on a Wii. Horray!

That’s enough ranting at the moment and I sure that next week will be better. (Here is a hint for you! I have a second interview with a company who wants to pay me more, is that a big clue?)

Well peeps see ya, wouldn’t want to be ya!

SF xxx




2 responses

10 12 2007

The Spice Girls have done an advert for Tesco?

10 12 2007

Love that strangely compelling post and love the fact that we have the right to refer to people as Call Centre Monkeys now that we have been one ourselves. Love you, you make me more homesick with your truly English rants. Next I would like you to slag off British Gas, the Yorkshire Tea Company and maybe Avon (as if you could find something bad to say about them!).

Keep it real x

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