Let’s talk about sex (but not in front of the kids!…)

7 04 2010

A few weeks ago a tweet caught my eye, it was from someone who was trying to drum up signatures to a petition regarding the new and improved ‘compulsory’ sex education lessons for children in UK schools from the age of five. I clicked on the link; as soon as I had I knew that I would have to do a blog about it…

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Your eyes will go square

24 01 2008

Mmmm I wonder why I am starting to hate digital TV? Is it the fact that if someone farts in another room we lose all the BBC channels? Is it the fact that I have become hooked on QVC (curse you….curse you and your overly expensive postage and packaging *shakes fist towards the sky*) is it because of the early morning (midnight ‘til 5am) quiz channels with the contestants who are stupid enough to believe that they have any chance of winning that £1000 cash prize (“its a colour; ends with ellow; what could it be?”). Arghhhh!

Could it have something to do with the fact that I will quite happily watch episodes of Scrubs/Cribs/Antiques Roadshow even though I have seen them 100’s of times before. Maybe it has something to do with my love of day time TV – come on who doesn’t like old reruns of Murder She Wrote (and before any of you think that I am being sarcastic I will have to let you know that I have the box sets of series 1 through 6)

I am weak willed – there are you happy now that I have admitted it! I will happily watch crap – hell, I would watch paint dry if they had ad breaks. I am a marketing mans wet dream. I love it – yet I hate it… she is a cruel mistress yet this is the reason why I am happy to come back for more. Now if you will excuse me its almost time for QVC decoupage hour…

I will leave you with this little nugget from early morning quiz TV home many time can you say ‘Come On’ before it get irritating? Where do they drag these people in from (and can I get a job?)

Why Don’t You…

sf xxx

(PS Monkey has also become obsessed with watching – and singing very loudly – along with Bonnie Tylers “Total eclipse of the heart”, should I be worried by this?)  





Change of P(l)ace

23 01 2008

Bourbon….mmmmmm
I like biscuits. I know it’s a strange way to start a post but it’s a fact. I really really love Bourbon Cream Biscuits. I am yearning for a sweet treat and at the moment I don’t have any! I have a feeling that I should be going out to get some but seeing as we don’t have any money (I have -£5.25 in my account, Monkey is over his £3000 overdraft and the joint account has less than 35p in it!) The money thing is worrying me a lot at the moment. I work hard (sometimes), I don’t drink or do drugs – so where the hell is all my money going. I know that as a couple we could spend a lot less on eating out, which the last time that we checked was running at about £350 per month ($685 US or $704 CAN) which by any stretch of the imagination is a hefty amount to be spending.

So what are we planning to do: Well as I may have touched on over the last few posts; we are looking to move house. I love this place but we have found cheaper places elsewhere (make that a saving of around £200 per month) plus cutting out all the eating out (£350) and changing the places where we shop (£150) we will be saving over £700 per month. This is where it get interesting and new. In August we are planning to move – away from Brighton and start a new life as vagabonds. I even have the red spotted hanky to be able to do this. I would like to point out that before you get your hearts set on me appearing in ‘Hobo Wrestling Vol4’ we are planning to move to Bristol. Neither of us have the faintest reason as to why we are moving to Bristol. I think it could do with the fact that it’s a lot like Brighton was about 10 years ago – going up. The house prices are relatively good and renting is going to be loads cheaper than in Brighton.

So as soon as we have finalised and made the plans to move I shall let you know!

sf xxx





Sorry this is dull!

18 01 2008

I think I’ve hit a dry patch. I am sitting here thinking (or attempting to) of something witty and charming to post about. I can’t. I mean it’s not as if I dont have anything to write about. I could start rambling on about Money’s complete lack of willing-ness to put washing into the washing machine, wash some dishes or even tidy up the front room. I could also write about how poor I am at the moment. I have about 3p in my bank to last me until the next pay cheque, which is something I hate. I mean I work hard, I don’t drink, don’t do drugs, lead a near puratanical lifestyle and yet I still can only just about get by? This is probably the main reason why, tommorow, we will be hunting for a new flat.

 I does sadden me to move out of here, I love this place it’s huge and grand and feels like home (although I have a feelking that it has more to do with the fact that Monkey is here as well) but it cost a small fortune to rent. £950 per month (two bed, very small bathroom, medium sized kitchen and a huge front room) which equates to $1857 US or $1908 Canadian. Now Im sure that you are going to tell me that if I lived in a different country I would be able to buy a house and live like a king for the rest of my life on that sort of cash, and to be honnest Im sure your right. It is getting more and more expensive to live in the UK.

 Now I could go and move to South Africa (they even have gay weddings) but I have never liked the idea of walking away from a problem. I need to go away and think about this – what should I do?





Vappid

30 12 2007

This could be a long one, so I would suggest that you go pop the kettle on and find the packet of hob-nobs and settle in for at least 5 minuets of mind-numbing tedium entertainment.

I want to start off this rant about the cult of the ‘celebrity’. As some of you will be aware, the last few days has given rise to some of the best news of the year, forget the tragic death of Benosire Bhutto (which could well result in destabilising an already troubled country) or any other globally important issue that is always pushed to the side to make way for some ‘juicy’ little bit of ‘celebrity’ gossip. I really can’t understand why people find other people’s lives so interesting. I can understand if it’s a personal friend or family member, but are we spending huge amounts of our lives worrying about some has been z list celebrity and what they get up to in there personal lives? I have always made it clear; I really am not interested in celebrities. Monkey has now taken to stalking z-list-ers on facebook, its bad enough that he has followed Patsy Palmer round Waitrose and Julian Clarey around the local Tesco (the Pasty Palmer incident was last week, and spending 20 minuets in a packed Waitrose on the Saturday before Christmas following a former East Enders cast member around the bread section is something that I could well have done without.)

So it filled my little stoney heart to almost 1/16th full to see that Multi Billionaire Barron Hilton (yes that is his name) has become so pissed off with his wayward grand-daughter that he has changed his will. Yes, Grandfather Hilton has cut wastrel socialite Paris out of his will by giving away over 97% to charity. I had to give a sly chuckle, I mean what has she ever done to deserve that type of money (she would have had a share in a £1.3 billion fortune) could I forgive her for making the ‘naughty’ video? – possibly, could I have forgiven her for the D.U.I? – possibly, but I could never forgive her for making an album.

So why, you maybe asking, are you so relieved about this. Well, humble reader, it means that no matter how famous you are, even if you have no talent, no ability, no real personality, no matter how many time you ‘find’ god (whoops, there he is down the back of the sofa) your actions do have real consequences. While I can’t imagine that she will end up in a grotty bed-sit with mould growing on the walls, it will mean that the over privileged life style that she has become to embody will now have to be scaled back. Will we now find Paris doing infomercials on the late night shopping channel? Possibly not – although she will no doubt try to merchandise her name to within a cent of its worth.

Will she try and make a name for herself? Well she has tried acting (wooden), singing (poorly) and by being herself (both poorly and woodenly). So what else can she do? office cleaner? Call Centre monkey? Well these jobs can be done by anyone (yes even I have done both of these jobs) but they do take some level of competence something that I fear dear sweet Paris lacks.

While there is a little part of me that feels sorry for the little lamb, I feel that she and her ilk have given rise to the status of the under achieving woman. She has spawned the idea that you can now be famous just for being a no-one. I’m sorry but that is a really hideous and crassly stupid idea. We now have a generation of teenage (and even sadder, pre-teen) girls believing that you don’t need to have a brain or work ethic to get ahead. You just have to look at things like Pop Idol, Big Brother and the like. People who have NO talent, NO experience and NO ability, believe that just because that have it in their minds that they should be famous. I have to stress, I have real admiration for those people who have put the effort, work and practice into being a singer/actor/model/dancer, its hard work and if you make it you disserve all that you get. But in the modern age of rewarding mediocrity we have lost site of the effort and work that is required to get ahead.

I really hope that for my two little nieces (Evie 3 and a bit and Eliza almost 1) that when they grow up they look at their real role models, their mother, their grandmothers, their great grandmothers, hell they could even look at me as a role model (something which I think I could, given lots of encouragement and used fiver’s, get used to.). I would like them to be writers, doctors, professional dancers, vets, pilots, leaders of there own dictatorships (trust me if they look up to there mother that could happen!) I want them to have a sense of pride of the job that they do. I would NOT want them looking up to some wafer thin bint, who has not real talent and has spent no time gaining the talent that the media has thrust upon them.

I feel better now that it’s off my chest

Normal service will resume shortly

sf xxx





Lifes a bitch and then you die!

13 07 2007

Well what can I say that is going to be witty and deeply thoughtful. Its been weighing on my mind over the last year so now seams as good a moment as any to tell you, the kind readers of this blog about something terrible, yet something that I know has been coming since this time last year….. I turn 30.

I know that it doesn’t sound like much, but it does sort of scare me, not because I fear losing my hair (already happened), becoming fat (I’m on that slippery slope already) or not being able to use a young persons railcard; but more because I haven’t done half the things that I want to have achieved. I, like many people, write those bloody “things I must do buy the time I turn 30” lists. My things included all sorts of stupid, weird and dangerous things, and having looked back on the things that I have done over the last 10 years it make me wonder if I have it in me.

 But that’s not the thing that worries me the most, the last (very last) thing that I wrote on the list was that I would start my pension. It depresses me that while I am still in the last dying throws of my “youth” I have to start thinking about getting old(er). I have no idea if I will be around in 20 years time, going by the rest of the males in my family this option looks rather dubious (my father died of a massive heart attack when he turned 48, my fathers dad died when he was 55 and if the rumours are true my great grandfather died when he was 56). With the male line dying off at ever younger ages how many more years will I have left (knowing my luck I will keel over 10 Min’s after winning the lottery) will I die and leave a good looking corpse (ha ha ha! good one!). So you can see the issue that I have with turning 30, its not so much all the things that I am loosing (youth, beauty, my hair) but all the things that I was stupid not to have done.

 Well I will grasp the bull by the horns (metaphorical, good vegan boy here!) and think about, looking into possibly doing some of those things. Or shall I admit defeat and book an appointment with the co-op to come round and measure me for a wooden box? Curse my indecisiveness, I think?.

 So what other things can I dump onto you (I use this blog a bit like a therapist, but its not metred and I can waffle on and on with out having to worry about taking out loan….. no wait, come back….. I’m sorry…. I will not talk about me….. I can change… honest…  

With love

 SF xxx





where the hell has the week gone?

25 05 2007

Another week has passed – where the hell does all that time go? I remember coming in to work on Monday but its now Friday and I’m sure that I haven’t been drugged (or at least not to my knowledge – maybe they are putting rhohipnol in the watter cooler here?)

 Thats all for now!

 SF xxx