The Snow Queen

28 02 2010

Monkey has always wanted to see the Northern Lights (I had always assumed that he meant the Blackpool Illuminations) and being the wonderful and deeply caring other half, I have always refused to give into his consent whining and insidious demands (treat ‘em mean and keep ‘em keen and all that jazz). On the other hand there is one person who has always given into his demands; Mother Monkey. Read the rest of this entry »


A dream in Peach Taffeta

23 01 2010

I was never going to be a blushing bride for two very simple reasons

1 – I am a man

2 – I was never sure that I wanted to get married

However about 6 months after meeting Monkey, I started to think a little differently. First let me explain a little about him. He has this habit of making me laugh when I am trying to argue or nag him to do something. He has a habit of demanding tea at the drop of a hat (big cup, red one sugar!) and worst of all I can’t imagine my life without his bulk besides me. So for the last 5 years we have happily milled about and lived together; me being fussy vegan type and him being a demanding ‘Northern Monkey’. So Just before Christmas we got ‘engaged’ (not sure what the gay option is for engagement is but seeing as I believe in equality I shall say that we are engaged). There is no ring as the one that Monkey wants is around £2000 (platinum with a cluster of small ‘black’ diamonds – see I told you he was a high maintenance be-atch).

So the family know, friends know, people at work know. People have already started to ask when the big day will be and what they should wear and what types of gifts they should buy for us. I have already had to quash peoples hopes of attending a ‘Gay Wedding’ as Monkey wants to spend about 50p on the whole thing and has already stated that he would rather no one is there (I’m hoping that I am not included in that!). I have also had to upset Monkey by saying that I would prefer that people don’t give us gifts (we have a home full of tat as it is, without a selection of toasters, smoothie makers and small bits of china added to the mix)

So at the moment we don’t have a date (it maybe at some point this year) so as soon as I have more information I will let you know.

The belle of the ball

SF xxx

An end to another year – roll on 2010!

31 12 2009

So I’m sitting here on yet another New Years Eve with nothing to do and no cash to do it with. So this year I am going to write that cleaning blog entry to make sure that when I look back over 2010 (this time next year) I can at least see what I should have been doing and when I should have done it.

Bristol is getting to me a little. I’m not sure that I have come to love the place. It’s been almost 2 years since I moved here and to be 100% honest, it’s not Brighton. I know that Brighton is a cruel and evil mistress (or in the case of Brighton – a bad female impersonator at one of the salubrious gay dives in St James). I miss Brighton, the over priced flats, bitchy queens, bright flashing lights and even the evil seagulls (Monkey still has waking nightmares about a Brighton Seagull swooping down and attacking him.). So the big question is why don’t we move back to Brighton? Well sadly the biggest reason is the cost of renting/buying a house. We have been looking into getting a flat and settling down (buying chince from Habitat and possibly indulging in the Futon Shop’s ‘are we mad’ sale – which happens every other day!) Sadly for this reason Brighton is out of the question (well apart from when I make my money in the international tofu market). So what is next for me and the Monkey, well we could be looking to make our move up North.

I have already started to look for a new job, which is harder than it seams, I am also booking my first set of driving lessons once I have my provisional licence back. So as we look northward, I start to wonder what the last 10 years of my life I have managed to achieve. I have made some solid friendships (Christa Martin, Andrew Henderson, Claire Potter, Elizabeth Guthrie and others all of whom I know I could always chew the greater part of an ear off if I ever needed it) I have travelled, named a dildo or three and even seen a small Japanese gent shove snooker balls up his arse; but what have I done? I always imagined that I would have seen more of the world, completed the list of 10 things I wanted to do before I turned 30 (Sadly I have done none of it!) Although I have to admit that the best thing for me has been meeting Monkey (If you want to see who I first met him check out this link –

With 2010 now only moments away I have to stop and think about what I want 2010 to bring for me. Well the biggest bit has to be that I want to meet more people – Something that both Monkey and I have out is that Bristol isn’t a great place to meet new people. The ‘Gay’ mile of Bristol is miles away and from what I here, is more like the Bulldog in Brighton (those that live in Brighton will understand what I mean) so how do you make new friends with very little cash – not that I’m saying that all my other friends are a financial drain (well apart from the odd on or two). Well I am going to have to think about that one? I am going to leave it there for the moment – I need to go away and think about what I want from this year, and how I can achieve it.

So goodnight from me and it’s goodnight from ‘im too.

SF xxx

Change of P(l)ace

23 01 2008

I like biscuits. I know it’s a strange way to start a post but it’s a fact. I really really love Bourbon Cream Biscuits. I am yearning for a sweet treat and at the moment I don’t have any! I have a feeling that I should be going out to get some but seeing as we don’t have any money (I have -£5.25 in my account, Monkey is over his £3000 overdraft and the joint account has less than 35p in it!) The money thing is worrying me a lot at the moment. I work hard (sometimes), I don’t drink or do drugs – so where the hell is all my money going. I know that as a couple we could spend a lot less on eating out, which the last time that we checked was running at about £350 per month ($685 US or $704 CAN) which by any stretch of the imagination is a hefty amount to be spending.

So what are we planning to do: Well as I may have touched on over the last few posts; we are looking to move house. I love this place but we have found cheaper places elsewhere (make that a saving of around £200 per month) plus cutting out all the eating out (£350) and changing the places where we shop (£150) we will be saving over £700 per month. This is where it get interesting and new. In August we are planning to move – away from Brighton and start a new life as vagabonds. I even have the red spotted hanky to be able to do this. I would like to point out that before you get your hearts set on me appearing in ‘Hobo Wrestling Vol4’ we are planning to move to Bristol. Neither of us have the faintest reason as to why we are moving to Bristol. I think it could do with the fact that it’s a lot like Brighton was about 10 years ago – going up. The house prices are relatively good and renting is going to be loads cheaper than in Brighton.

So as soon as we have finalised and made the plans to move I shall let you know!

sf xxx

death by phonecall

23 11 2007

I may well die here, the long wait, I may be forced to knorr a limb off.; I have been on hold to BT for 35 minuets. At the moment I’m dealing with a partner who is having withdrawal symptoms over the fact that we don’t have an internet connection.

The foolish people over the road who have unsecured wireless internet access have cottoned on to the fact the monkey (being the cheap Northerner that he is) was “nicking” the internet from them. I have to say that as we have just got a 280 quid rebate from the electricity company – woo ho! Sadly this means that “his nibs” want’s me to use this money to get fancy internet access – I would rather by food and pay the gas bill.

There is a moral in this – fuck knows what it is… maybe “never let a Northerner near free internet connection” or possibly “BT are bastards, evil, evil bastards”. I personally like the last one

To keep you all amused I have found an entire episode of my favorite shows – Black Books (it reminds me of Monkey and me – I’d be Manny and Monkey would be Bernard)


Dirty – so very Dirty

SF xxx